Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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