a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dick very happy bro
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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