he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
