your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
