9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
