why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
