chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
you made out with another girl for some wings
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
