All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
