turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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