I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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