i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
