I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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