Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
