i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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