he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
