imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
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He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
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I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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