tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it's like iHOP with fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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