Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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