do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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