if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
