question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
