He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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