I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
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Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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