if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
