Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Randomize
