I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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