final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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