Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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