how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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