i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize