i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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