I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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