I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
