wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we made out on top of his cat.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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