so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
