dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
