You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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