turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
