I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
