Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My penis needs a shock collar
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