He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
