just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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