why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
