i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
