U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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