I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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