So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
