My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
