Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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