i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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