I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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