You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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