bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
