i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
