He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
