it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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