I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I need water and some morals
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
