my phone needs a breathalizer
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize