Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
