The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
