you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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